"Do you know what Roy Strong and his wife do in bed? They read" - Earl Spencer, recalling what the late Queen Mother said in his hearing.
"David Cameron could do worse than promise the return of donkey races, conker fights and other Great British Risks if he wants to win the next election" - Tory MP Ann Widdecombe.
"I was complimented by eight MPs and two ministers. I preened my way through the day under a barrage of praise" - Tory MP Nadine Dorries after having a new hairstyle.
"He made me laugh, he made me cry" - Barbara Windsor after the funeral of Mike Reid.
"Some of the most significant players in the party are part timers. There isn't the hunger on the Conservative front bench that Labour had in the mid 1990s, the party is not hungry enough for power" - Tory activist Tim Montgomerie.
"Even though I am known for flaunting my cleavage, I actually try to disguise my breasts to make them look smaller" - artist Tracy Emin.
"The fashion world don't trust me anymore. And why should they? I looked like crap for years" - Courtenay Love.
"When the four alloy wheels were stolen from my car leaving me stranded, the AA told me, 'We don't class that as a breakdown'" - Anonymous letter to the Daily Mail.