Wednesday, October 25, 2006

News Alert: Surgeon Seeks Face Transplant Candidates


In my never ending quest to help the world of medical science I am issuing a plea to you, my dear readers. Sky News is reporting that a British surgeon has got permission to perform the world's first full face transplant. He is drawing up a shortlist of possible candidates for the operation. Feel free to help him in the Comments...

91 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is more like it. Almost Guidoesque in its disregard for the wider debate. The best post in a long time. More of this please.

newmania said...

I would like to make a case for Emily Thornberry our local Labour MP . It is possible her face is like many others but beneath the sagging weight of billowing fleshy jowls we shall never know . I like her so much I often write in her praise in my blog . This was the lastest panygeric.Imagine the sex "Well everybody`s gone surfing ...."


Emily Thornberry is a woman who clearly eats more than your average African village before her morning coffee. She lives in mouth-watering Georgian Splendour in Barnsbury and sends her children to Grammar school. With her life of conspicuous consumption you might think she would shy away from lecturing the rest of us. Not a bit of it. She is on about taxing 4 x4 gas guzzlers at £1800, greening buses and tells us to get on our bikes. She has bought a Toyotas Prius .This says more about her than Newmania ever can.
Does it not occur to her that her lifestyle of privilege and spending is entirely at odds with her supposed anxiety for the environment? How does she imagine all the consumer delights she wears and uses are made?
She claims she uses bicycle to get around. All I can say is anyone who can stay that fat and exercise regularly should be in a circus not a Parliament. She is of course lying. If she cycled 10 feet the bike would collapse as would her cardio vascular system.
.

Livingstone_get_lost said...

I think the opposite and find it all very shallow. Iain, as much as I love your blog, you are hardly an oil painting yourself. Stick to the witty politics, and don't resort to the Sian Simon-eque bollocks.

Anonymous said...

How very cameroon - smirking at non-beautiful people. But people in glass houses....

Has the liposuction yet, proky boy.

Iain Dale said...

Yes of course it's shallow. Aren't I allowed to be shallow sometimes? I've been far too serious of late. Regard it as an antedote to West Ham's inglorious defeat last night. It's my way of cheering myself up.

Livingstone_get_lost said...

you've played the wet spam card! ordinarily I would give you sympathy, but being a chelsea fan, i...just...can't...access...it...!

Anonymous said...

and no mention of 18Doughty Street. yayy. keep up the good work, Iain...

newmania said...

Livingstone "get lost" - You are a pompous prat and should be renamed Livingstone "take me roughly darling "

Anyway it needn’t be shallow I daresay Margaret Thatcher wouldn’t` float everyone’s boat. She is to me as glorious an example of gorgeous English womanhood that has ever displayed an alluring ankle. She will remain so after she is dead and forever and ever. Amen


.
Can I just say Prescottt before anyone else does? I `m seeing sweaty fondling with an unwilling employee dressed only in cowboy boots. Picture the horror of the flabby malodorous mouth as it seeks yours creeping ….

I just threw up a bit . Cannot continue.


PS as an antidote I have picture of Boris Johnson`s PA currently on view. Well he wouldn`t have an ugly one now would he

Peter Hitchens said...

This is just so cruel and unfair
FUCKING BRILLIANT!
Lets have mre of it.
Newmania you had me in stitches.
The big fat sanctamonious leech should be boiled down and have her blubber used to make lamp oil for African people.
Emily is a definate contender for world see saw champion.
More viciousness please Iain.
I would also like to see a competition for the ugliest politician , there is plenty of competition but surely one must stand head and shoulders above the rest?

Andrew Woodman said...

lol. Very good. Will upset some people. Most controversial post since the announcement of hating Arsenal

newmania said...

Regard it as an antedote to West Ham's inglorious defeat

We can expect plenty more then...arf arf

Man in a shed said...

Sorry Iain, I think you should reconsider this post.

Chuck Unsworth said...

God, where would we be without 'shallow'? Give me more, please. I mean without 'shallow' life under the heels of NuLab would be unbearable...

What we need is lots of piss-taking all round. These cretins take themselves far too seriously and, much worse, expect us to as well!

ian said...

How about that gurning fool at the top of the page? Or perhaps you should suggest Alan Pardew, so he can walk unharrassed through the East end?

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Pressa would donate his face for a "Bum Transplant"?

Schoolboy-Error said...

I'd say Blair but which face?He'd say,'My face,my beautiful face!?'

Erasmus said...

shallow is fine, nasty and unchivalrous is not

raincoaster said...

Good heavens, and here I thought I was the bitchy one!

On the other hand, who let the dogs out?

Anonymous said...

Regarding Peter Hitchens suggestion for a competition into the "ugliest politician".

I suggest Labour politicians need to be excluded as they provide unfair competition to the rest.

Anonymous said...

unkind :-)

Dr.Doom said...

How about David Cameron helping out?

After all, he is the only two faced politician in the commons.

That means he has at least one spare.

Remember his last GE NHS manifesto?

Doom.

Croydonian said...

Wot, no Keith 'Gargoyle' Hill?

Picture here . I have seen photographs where he looks much worse, but presumably google doesn't index them as they violate the 'safe search' guidelines.

bt said...

We need to publish more pictures of ugly people.
It reminds our partners know how lucky they are.

Anonymous said...

Just sad that Hammer are no longer making movies

newmania said...

Oh dear oh dear,aren`t all these Libertarians quite the reverse unless it means free only to dredge through their Casaubonish faux scholarlship. You miss the point . Ugly is as ugly does.
For example while John Prescott is an elephantine parody of humanity , Boris Johnson is just a bit under tall.

Ken Clarke, is quite reasonable in a certain light while Gordon Browne is a terrifying reanimated corpse.

And so on

By the way who is Hazel Blears ?

Cranmer said...

His Grace is always up for a taste of the superficial...

He just can't help feeling that someone, somewhere, is secretly storing all this stuff to produce as ammunition in a future campaign... "A-list Dale superficially slates B-list lookers."

And then, Mr Dale, you lose a thousand votes from people who rate themselves beneath Tom Cruise or Diana.

achilles said...

Surely this was the first British face transplant?

Glad to be Gaynor said...

peter hitchens: "I would also like to see a competition for the ugliest politician , there is plenty of competition but surely one must stand head and shoulders above the rest?"

Robin is dead. Please have more respect.

UK Daily Pundit said...

John Hayes could do with a touch up. He's looking more like the elephant man every day. But we shouldn't mock George Howarth. They all look like that in Kirkby. Even the women.

bob said...

I think the operative word here is "transplant". There must therefore be two candidates. Once Tony is gone, I propose taking his face and putting it on Gordon. At least that will reflect reality.

Anonymous said...

Of course certain former candidates are queuing up to have the face/bum transplant - the one where you don't know the diffrence!

Hasn't that george Howarth given up being an MP yet? If not, why not??? - or is that Margaret Beckett disguised with a beard?

Anonymous said...

I think the vast medical costs should be looked into first.For instance, in the case of the Foreign Sec. it would be a bit like the Forth bridge---once you get to one end etc,etc.

MorrisOx said...

Hilarious.

What was that Hammers result again?

verity said...

Achilles - v good!

Hercules said...

Turning water into wine would be an easier task to perform for the surgeon than work on toad features Beckett.

Keep up the controversial posts Iain; I love it when people get upset over things you post!!!

H

Paul Linford said...

To be fair to Iain, he doesn't day anywhere in his post that nominations for face transplants should be limited to politicians....

i spy strangers said...

"Just sad that Hammer are no longer making movies."

No - Hammer Horror is now limited to Upton Park, the other Premiership grounds and (dare I mention it?) Saltergate.

Peter Hitchens said...

Croydonian
If I had children I would keep a photo of keith hill in front of the fire to keep them away from it.

He reminds me of a dead conservative forget his name but was described as looking like a bedraggled dracula.
Now what about gwyneth dunwoody?

Anonymous said...

Someone I'd like to suggest for a face transplant?

My wife springs to mind . . .

Rigger Mortice said...

sadly,whilst you could give lempit a new mug,he'd still eb a complete.....

Martyn said...

LOL !

Beckett might be ugly, but she is foreign secretary rather than a desperate, privileged , vacuous posh kid whose been denied his birth right by those frightful proles ;-)

You really haven't come to terms with being losers yet have you ?


Never mind, I'm sure you'll get plenty more opportunities.

alfie said...

Isn't the one in pink the former ugly-boy midfielder for Man Utd, Luke Chadwick? If it isn't, then it's his older, uglier brother.

Praguetory said...

What about the younger generation of politicians? Alex Hilton (Recess Monkey) at the top of the list.

Anonymous said...

Hating Arsenal? Nice of the WHammers to secure them their CL spot for this season then.

Funny post. Less sanctimonious moaning, please.

Hercules said...

Hillary Clintons Republican opponent John Spencer for the senate seat in New York, told a reporter that she was "unattractive" when she was younger and that she "must have spent millions on plastic surgery"

What a waste of money! Maybe she can have a face transplant from Monica Lewinsky; Bill might be interested for the second time in their marriage.

Splashitallover said...

Of course, you're a matinee idol, Iain!

Little Miss Muffett said...

They say that politics is show business for ugly people.

But who gets to define "ugly"?

Iain Dale?

Anyway, from the field of "journalism", I'd like to nominate Richard Littlejohn for a face transplant. I'd certainly define HIM as ugly!

Croydonian said...

With any luck there isn't a backlog of posts telling Peter the chap he means is George Gardiner. However, George is dead, so de mortuis nil nisi bonum and all that. Plus he isn't showing up on google images.

Anonymous said...

I'm expecting many tories to act as donors;after all,they all have one face spare!

achilles said...

Iain's Blog is only read by beautiful people.....

verity said...

Any woman who steps out onto a public street in a veil in Britain.

little miss muffett said...

Verity, when did veiled women start to bother YOU?

And have they ever hurt YOU?

Don't you think it's a bit cheap picking on a very vulnerable group? Why do it? Are you simply a racist?

If not, what are you?

If some Muslim women now have to defend their choice of clothes because people like YOU are making an issue out of it, then you will have to defend your decision to make an issue of it.

I am not Muslim but I was taught by women in burquas and hijabs (Irish catholic nuns) and nobody seemed to mind them. I really do object to women being picked on because of what they chose to wear - be it boob tubes or burquas. It's a women's right to choose!

Anonymous said...

Sion Simon and that George Roberstson bloke, whever he is now.

John Hirst said...

I thought Anne Wigglybum has already had a face transplant from the back end of a camel...

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. Not just shallow but disappointingly juvenile. Ho hum.

Big Ted said...

Blair has 2 faces - like the rest of New Labour - perhaps they could spare one?

Cranmer said...

Iain's Blog is only read by beautiful people.....

Inded, not, Mr Achilles; His Grace is presently incorporeal, but when incarnate, he was certainly not beautiful. But in those days, of course, one was never concerned with the 'outer'.

IWantAnAttractiveMP said...

Lynne Featherstone - the woman has regular injections of Botox. Without them, she's a real gargoyle.

Vienna Woods said...

newmania suggested,

"Can I just say Prescott before anyone else does?"

I thought of that too, but then I tried to think of what sized face would actually transplant onto that shell. Let's face it, it would have to be at full stretch whatever it came from. I did think that the head of a gorilla would almost fit, but there again it might not. May be the skin of a Rhino would suffice and be suitably tough enough. But what about the horn ... suggestions please?

Turbulent Cleric said...

I suggest Tim Montgomerie.

Oh and Iain, don't make West Ham losing into an excuse. It is par for the course nowadays.

james higham said...

Hazel Blears to Hillary Clinton

casual observer said...

If prezza's arse was tranplanted onto his face, would anyone notice?

achilles said...

talking of west ham, is it news that they are not scoring any goals?

Anonymous said...

There are several candidates on the Tory A List - Heather Wheeler, Maggie Punyer and Sheila Gunn (Norris must be blind to have shagged her) spring to mind. Not Dave's Dolls but dave's Dogs!

Anonymous said...

Blair's face on to the ruling Liberal Democrats in the London Borough of Richmond-upon-Thames?

De Elite Crew said...

Peoples in de glass houses shouldn't throw de shit man.

Dat Beckett's bin doin wonders with her wardrobe or de vice versa.

Better dan wearin de Oxfam shirt man wit de smarmy grin. No totty goin do shit with you.

Anonymous said...

As a result of media training I have to answer a question that wasn't asked. Not who should receive a face, but who should donate one. The answer is if course any MP. They all have at least one to spare.

verity said...

James Highams - You would have to implant some nuts with their shells on into Blears's cheeks to get the full Hillary effect. Also, have we heard any medical opinions about whether you can transplant a face that's been face-lifted?

Well, little miss muffett, never let it be said that I am immune to innocent merriment at outrage expressed by the ignorant.

LMM: And have they ever hurt YOU?

V: Well yes, actually. They are rather aggressive on the street and their anonymity prevents their being identified. If you have never been jabbed in the ribs by a niqab shrouded female, or experienced an attempted push off the kerb as she hurried past, I will be surprised as it's a common occurrence. The aggression of these women is often commented upon.

The only reason men do not experience the same aggression is, islamic women can't touch men outside their own family.

LMM: Don't you think it's a bit cheap picking on a very vulnerable group?

V: Vulnerable? When this destructive, socialist government has made them into most favoured group ever singled out in our democracy? So favoured that our own citizens now fear to speak frankly about them for fear of being accused of a thought crime? Even islamics wrote to the papers to say the decision of the Manchester Police not to arrest suspects during prayer times (five times a day) during ramadan was bonkers. The muslims, and their endless stream of unelected spokesmen and unelected councils and parliaments and violence-preaching imams are the noisiest and most threatening group in Britain: ("Pope go to hell"! "Wait until the real Holocaust!" "Jesus is the slave of allah." "Wait for your 9/11.") in the United Kingdom. Wipe your moist eyes, Little Miss Muffet, and have a cup of tea.

LMM: Why do it? Are you simply a racist?

V: There are five races in the world. Islam isn't one of them. It is a religion. Find another insult.

LMM: If not, what are you?

V: Wha'?

LMM: If some Muslim women now have to defend their choice of clothes because people like YOU are making an issue out of it, then you will have to defend your decision to make an issue of it.

V: Certainly, darling. Veils are a sign of hostility and separation. They say, "I don't like you or your society and I refuse to be part of it and I want you to witness my defiance and rejection of your values."

Second, it causes an imbalance of power. The wearer of facial drapery can read, as humans are wont to do, the facial expressions of others, yet not reveal her own. I find this malevolent. Third, speaking practically, people must not be allowed to roam our streets anonymously, unidentifiable. That is why motorcycle helmet wearers must doff their helmets before entering public premises or banks. This is why a man walking along wearing a stocking pulled down over his face, or a balaclava, would be picked up pdq.

You were brought up by nuns in burqas (there's no 'u' in burqa) and hijabs? I have never seen a Roman Catholic nun in a burqa, nor a photograph or drawing of one. Do you understand the differences in Islamic gear nomenclature?

In Turkey, not officially an islamic country, despite almost all the 70m population being islamic, wearing burqas and niqabs is banned by law. Tunisia, an Islamic nation, has also outlawed this facial shrouding. And a woman wearing even a headscarf is not allowed to enter public buildings and government premises. Perhaps you should go over there and explain their “racism” to these naughty Turkish and Tunisian legislators.

vikki said...

"Woe is me" You're undone....

Anonymous said...

i agree with everything verity said, except... there is a 'u' in burqa

verity said...

AS we're speaking in Arabic, anonymous, you have no idea what's in a burqa.

verity said...

anonymous - don't be ridiculous. The word is Arabic. There is no 'u' or absence of 'u'. It's quite Zen, really.

ol' timer said...

Verity said 11.50 p.m.

Well said.
Two points here.

You may remember Barney, renamed Barmey by you, who posted here some weeks ago. I believe that LMM and Barmey are one and the same..... a waste of space.

It should be interesting when ID card photos are being taken and a veil wearer shows up!

Unixman said...

Verity ... I love you ! Haven't enjoyed such a demolition job in yonks!

Chuck Unsworth said...

Absolutely bleeding knockout (as my mother used to say), Verity.

I so enjoy it when people lay about themselves with such vigour. Quite reminds me of my youth - before all of this touchy-feely crap about the hurt feelings of 'communities' (i.e. single-interest lobbies)
started.

At least you could then say what you felt without having to worry about the Thought Police. And that actually led to greater enlightenment. There's nothing like a robust and frank exchange of views to clarify matters, eh?

Those who wish to stifle comment are just self-appointed censors. They should have the guts and intelligence to put up decent counter-arguments rather than bleating about their hurt feelings.

And as to burqas - well how do we know that it's a woman under there, rather than a slightly effeminate crazed terrorist? I think the cops should be encouraged to stop and search these mobile tents wandering around our streets.

Vulnerable group? I don't think so. Definition of Integration in society, anyone? There, that's done it now!

Jon H said...

Not really a face transplant but surely Prescott could donate a bit of skin to help 200 victims of widespread third degree burns?

Anonymous said...

Great website generally, Iain, but the comments on peoples' lack of facial attractiveness was a 'dip' in your judgement and was unnecessary.

raincoaster said...

I can't remember: which one was Barbara Amiel's Before picture?

verity said...

Anonymous 1:30 a.m. One never puts a 'u' after a 'q'when writing Arabic words in Roman script. The way you spelled burqua would be pronounced, in English, burqwa - which it isn't - as in quarrell and the ever-popular quagmire.

ol'timer - We've already had instances on both sides of the Atlantic of these aggressive women refusing to take off their burqa for the camera at passport offices and drivers' licence offices. The government officers involved get so bullied that they let them get away with it and take a picture of a black blob. It is clearly such an unreasonable, not to say lunatic, demand that normal people are thrown by it.

Anonymous said...

Any truth that Tony Blair has offered to become the first face donor, on the basis that he has one to spare?

Anonymous said...

2:02pm MorrisOx "What was that Hammers result again?"

Sorry, I must have missed it - can anyone remind us of the result

Perhaps at the same time, they can remind us of when Derby won a match

tonbridgeblog said...

How about Mr. Iain Dale, perhaps he could swap with a better looking man like Gordon Brown. Then he could infiltrate the Labour Party and announce a new radical right wing manifesto for NEW New Labour.

sammy the sailor said...

Yeah, ride 'em Verity YAHOOOO!

BTW I think the old man's right.

socrates said...

Verity means truth,
Truth means pain,
Little Miss Muffet,
Please come back again.

Round two seconds out!

I bet the Muppet don't show up!

Anonymous said...

This post is unworthy of you Iain. Sure, attack their policies - blimey there's enough to fault this vile government about - but don't have a go at Mrs Beckett and co. over what they look like....

Anonymous said...

Maybe the face transplant ought to go to Sven Goran Erikkson ? I'm not being unkind, as he clearly has some appeal to the ladies; but it might help overcome opposition by West Ham supporters as a likely recipient of a parachute into the managerial board room ?

hatfield girl said...

New Labour is more concerned about losing face than acting decently, honourably, properly, correctly or even normally. Apart from that, Cherie could do with something to change the mouth specifically and the brazen-faced cheek overall of her.

verity said...

Hatfield Girl - Yes, but when Labour loses face, it will need a face transplant. Now, which face should be transplanted onto it? The face of which dishonourable, deceitful, incompetent regime in history should be grafted on to the bones of the NuLab skull?

hatfield girl said...

Verity said: The face of which dishonourable, deceitful, incompetent regime in history should be grafted on to the bones of the NuLab skull? What an interesting thought. The face they're going to get is Gordon Brown; the face they would like is David Cameron; choosing through history though it should be the face of il Duce - overbearing, arrogant, self-regarding, bossy, corrupt, war-mongering, self-satisfied and ultimately defeated but leaving a horrible and long-lived legacy of bitterness from the struggle to get him out.

verity said...

Interesting thoughts, Hatfield Girl. I think I would prefer the utter corruption of Idi Amin's regime in Uganda. Idi Amin, if you recall, styled himself 'His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular' (and also, curiously, King of Scotland).

The delusionary grandiosity is so reminiscent of our own dear Tony. And the corruption of his regime ran Uganda into the ground. Again, a startling resemblance with ZaNu-Lab. He also adored military uniforms and medals. Admittedly, we have yet to see Tony stepping out in a Field Marshall's uniform, but we may yet. Don't tell me the idea has never occurred to him.

He also, with the tranquil stupidity of the deeply self-adoring, expelled all the country's wealth creators, who happened to be Asians. Tony Blair has, in effect, expelled millions - I think the figure is three million, but it may be more - of educated, wealth-producing Brits by the fact of having made Britain intolerable for them to live in.

So, given that the face transplant should fit the bones of the transplant recipient as much as possible, I think the socialist British government requires a Ugandan face transplant.

g eagle esq said...

'
Sehr geEhrter Iain

Just think

When you're 60, you'll wish you had the face the Good Lord gave you, when you were 40

Alles Gute

G(ray) Eagle

PS Just 9 more to go to the Ton