Saturday, June 05, 2010

It's Official: I am an Oik


This apparently appeared in the papers yesterday. Depending on how many answers you answer 'yes' to, it will tell you if you are posh. If you score three or more, you're a posh git. Danny Finkelstein and Tim Montgomerie both scored 5.

I am afraid I have let the side down. I only scored 1.

I hate opera and ballet. I do not have a cleaner. I do not wear Hackett or Barbour. I have never ridden a horse or sailed and have no interest in doing so. I don't drink. I don't mention my school unless asked (Saffron Walden County High, since you asked). If I shop at a supermarket, it's Sainsbury's (which I try to do twice a year if I have to). I do not call dinner supper. But I'm afraid I do indulge in mwahing. I do not have an aga and I don't drink tea. Or coffee, since you ask. I have no idea what Prosecco is and care even less. And no, I don't like hummus. Or taramasalata. Or guacamole. I quite like salsa dip though.

So it's now official. I am an oik. You can take the boy out of Essex...

46 comments:

Andrew Ian Dodge said...

Ugh, I got a 9.

Foxy Brown said...

Iain,

I thought all Hammers fans wore Hackett.

Cath said...

You and me both Iain, though in reality mine was probably only a half point as I said I shop at Waitrose but it isn't even my main supermarket.

Excuse me while I go and drape the MGZR in England flags ;-)

Daedalus said...

I scored 2, so still an oik. BUT I did have an Aga, it came with the house, after 7 generally very happy years with it (other than topping it up with coke twice a day) we inherited some money did up the kitchen and now have a Neff double oven. Which is not even a pimple on the bum of the Aga. Its falling apart, I have had to replace various elements and repair the thermostat, I'm lucky I can do the repairs myself but it's pretty cruddy really. |You know I would rather have the Aga and my dad back!

Daedalus

garymclachlan said...

I hit 3 - but only due to drinking Green Tea because it's nice as well as healthy, and eat hummus because I'm vegan. I think they confused "middle class and a bit pretentious" with posh.

Harry Hayfield said...

1) No
2) No
3) No
4) Partially (when the Olympics are on)
5) No
6) No
7) No
8) Yes
9) No
10) Does a Stanley count?
11) No
12) No
13) No

Score: 2 (but that said that is posh for where I live)

Martin Curtis said...

Proud to say I also scored 1. And was called an oik (in jest) as a result.

Would be interesting to see a New Lab vs Conservative average score.

Tony Lorusso said...

Whoever wrote this gimmicky survey should know that, depending on which culture you primarily grew up in, question nine does not necessarily count towards poshness.

Scored 1. Would have scored 0 if I wasn't raised by Italian parents.

_ said...

The dinner/supper one is just wrong. Using "supper" to the exclusion of "dinner" is very aspirational lower-middle class. The "posh" have dinner and supper.

neilmack said...

I've resolved to give up a couple of luxuries, and dress down.

Street cred restored. Phew.

Hughes. said...

I've devised a sliding scale to tell how middle class you are, directly analogous to how much you spend on bark chips in any given year.

neilmack said...

I've resolved to give up a couple of luxuries, and dress down.

Street cred restored. Phew.

The King of Wrong said...

"The "posh" have dinner and supper."

Indeed. So do Northerners, at least the working classes in Yorkshire - dinner is a mid-day meal, tea in the early evening and supper at night.

I scored 3 (I like wine, and know my fizz) but I'd argue that I'm not middle-class, let alone posh.

(w/v (Prince?) "harry")

Enlightened Despot said...

Sorry - 9 out of 10 (Agas are too expensive to run).

Daft questionnaire, mind you...

Jimmy said...

And you wonder why you were never selected.

Fat Councillor said...

Well, well, well. Your Fat Councillor is posh.

I think the fact that a boy from a Northern mining village comes out of this survey as posh, tells you all you need to know about the survey...

Tom said...

You don't know what Prosecco is? Seriously???

Dick the Prick said...

I got 5. Seriously, opera's ace (well, some of it anyway). Chavtastic!

cherami said...

Opera, ballet and symphony concerts.

I am posh. Very. Thanks largely to hand me downs.

Kevin said...

i am with you iain - i got just 1 - and thats sailing -

so i am offically a prole too

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Ah but Iain, this does not take into account the genteel poor, like me. We shop at Lidl and the Co-op, grow our own rocket and cardoons, keep chickens and drive what are euphemistically called "classic" cars. Really posh people have decent stuff, but it is very old and in shit condition. I have shoes, useful, decent shoes, that are older than you. Being an oik is not about having things or doing things, it is about aspiration - which is synonymous with oral syphilis.

Any arsehole from the city can buy a Ferrari, but it takes class to understand that mint works perfectly in an omelette or that Ligeti is not a type of pasta.

Understatement is what separates the oiks from those of us who are fortunate enough to have been to a school that was not free.

Begin by giving your entire CD collection to Oxfam.

Frugal Dougal said...

As an utterly blue-collar Tory, I was shocked to score 4...what's so posh about calling dinner "supper"? Almost everybody in the sink estate in Glasgow where I grew up did it!

Tim Footman said...

These are indicators of middle-class behaviour, not proper posh. Although I suppose the fact that I make that distinction rather damns me. I scored 3, maybe 4, because I don't know what 'specialist tea' is. If it just means 'other than red label', then yes.

Johnny Norfolk said...

Iain are you serious. You are a man with no taste, very shallow just like Tom Harris. He likes Dr Who.

You should try and improve yourself

Prosecco is an italian sparkling wine. I import mine direct from a small company in Italy.

Johnny Norfolk said...

Iain you sound like someone who lives in a house with a number and had to buy your own furniture.

Sean Haffey said...

You may not wear Barbour, but don't you wear fancy ties? Eh?

Supper and dinner are two distinct things. Supper is casual. Dinner is more formal, probably with more courses. You would never have a black tie supper, for example.

This survey is more notable for its ignorance than its insight.

Bardirect said...

One of the advantages of shopping at Lidl is that you can enjoy their Prosecco straight out of a screw top bottle!

Johnny Norfolk said...

Iain. Which Operas have you been to and what did you not like about them ?

When I was involved in candidate selection I used to ask "what is your favorite opera" i could judges the persons outlook on life with their answer and how broad or narrow their attitude was.

Unsworth said...

None of the above.



Mercifully.

Iain Dale said...

Johnny, Back in the 1990s I went to quite a few as I was going out with someone who played the piano in various operas. I just couldn't geet into it. It seemed to me that they were full of lovely music spoiled by screeching. Marriage of Figaro was the only one which I liked a little, as I knew quite a bit of it already. I also saw Carmen and several others.

tim said...

Of course we don't go to the bloody opera/ballet, full of ghastly people in penguin suits they bought themselves.
Cleaner? They may be someone from the village who "comes in" - of course you wouldn't call this paragon "a cleaner". Hackett and Barbour - don't make me laugh, like turning up at a shoot with an over and under.
Horses? Sort of in that they tend to be around when meeting chums at the point to point or out slaughtering something.
No idea how much a bottle of wine costs, wine comes in cases.
Of course one wouldn't tell people which school one went to, people just know.
Shop? Someone buys stuff at a grocer but I'm not completely sure who or where.
Supper instead of dinner? What a stupid question, they are completely different meals, a good evening has both.
Kiss cheeks, sounds like what Peachy Fluff used to do at school - see above.
Aga - is that one of those Spanish shotguns? The kitchen has a range of indeterminate age and name.
Poncy bloody tea, do you want a thrashing? It just has to be hot, dark and sweet, talking of which;
Prosecco, I seem to remember losing my wallet and getting the clap from one of these when a few of us went ashore in some Italian port.
Hummus, ask the gardener.

Tachybaptus said...

Iain, if you like the music but not the screeching (with which I agree) try Monteverdi, written just after 1600, utterly beautiful with natural screech-free singing.
Nikolaus Harnoncourt's recordings of L'Orfeo/L'Incoronazione di Poppea/Il Ritorno d'Ulisse In Patria '3 Operas In A Box' DVD set a very low £39.99 from Amazon. You will recognise the unstoppable rise of Tony and Cherie in Poppea.

MikeyP said...

Those who know me consider that I am a bit of a bum, but I scored 7. Mind you, I would only go to the opera if Anna Netrebko or Danielle de Niese were in the cast.

Also, dinner and supper are entirely different, and do not any one tell you otherwise!

Dick the Prick said...

You don't like Carmen?!? Screeching singing?!? Gadzooks with a double helping of zut alors!

I guess we're all different and stuff but that's a bit unfortunate.

Sean Haffey said...

There are two problems with opera

a. It is staggeringly expensive in this country

b. It suffers from inaccessibility, being mostly sung in a foreign tongue.

Gilbert & Sullivan is delightful and being in English is an easy and light introduction. Three years ago we were invited to the opera The Italian Girl in Algiers at West Green House, which was a revelation.

And who here hasn't sung or at least hummed along to Largo al Factotum from the Barber of Seville, otherwise known as the Figaro song?

Sam Tarran said...

2. Bit dodgy though, since I'm not in my 30s, and I have to know what Prosecco is because of where I work. Sold a bottle of it last night actually.

Mike said...

Despite growing up in the Welsh valleys in a single parent sink-hole estate to a miner father (well miner until 1985), I still managed a nine.

Surely liking opera and ballet, enjoying sailing, appreciating nice wine, having a Italian grandmother who knows her meat and a half-Greek ex who knows her dips doesn't make me posh. It just means I'm Worldly-wise.

David Miliband Leadership Campaign said...

I am more of an oik than you!

I got a Zero!!!!

Twig said...

I prefer Opera to Trisha or Jeremy Kyle.

Doe's that make me posh?

Trixy said...

I scored 10 but it would be 11 if I had a waitrose near me.

I won't be seeing you at Ascot then, Iain?

Span Ows said...

Note the wording: answer 'yes' to 3 or more and you are CONSIDERED posh...by whom! I must admit to being surprised that Danny Finkelstein and Tim Montgomerie only scored 5 each (don't know why as I don't know either of them!) I scored 7 currently and a further 2 previously (and in the UK)...the ones I "failed" completely: (a) I don't mention my school unless asked, (b) dinner/supper already dealt with by various comments, (c) don't go to the opera/ballet, (d) no Aga (or Rayburn)

thespecialone said...

Does wanting to shag Katherine Jenkins (wife knows I would if Katherine came knocking on my front door!) count as liking opera?

Even from my sink estate upbringing I scored 3.

Thatcher's Child said...

Proud to score nothing!

However, this test is faulty, if you score highly, then I would suggest that you would like to be posh, rather than being so -

I don't want to join any club that would accept me as a member!! ;)

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Iain,

I scored 7.

I, too, am an Essex boy - Sarfend, innit?

7! - I need to lie down.

Span Ows said...

Thatcher's Child

I would suggest that you would like to be posh, rather than being so...

Sounds a bit false, I think you and Iain are trying too hard to prove your chavchic credentials.

Village Bookworm said...

My eyesight is going. I thought it said: 'Do you eat humans?', is that a sign of being really posh?