political commentator * author * publisher * bookseller * radio presenter * blogger * Conservative candidate * former lobbyist * Jack Russell owner * West Ham United fanatic * Email iain AT iaindale DOT com
Monday, September 10, 2007
Top Ten Things Zak Goldsmith Ought to Tax
Our Top Ten List on Vox Politix tonight will be the TOP TEN THINGS ZAK GOLDSMITH OUGHT TO TAX. Your suggestions please...
1. Party Hats 2. Birthday cake 3. Clowns 4. Terry Wogan 5. Roller skates 6. Owls 7. Small children 8. Kind old ladies 9. Smiling lollypop men 10. Easter eggs
Top ten things to be taxed 1. Poker Games 2. Trust Funds 3. Night Clubs called Annabelles 4. Burgers (for his mate Gummer) 5. People called Zak. 6. Large policy documents that waste trees in their production. 7. Stupid ideas that tax aspirational things like plasma tv's. 8. Anyone who threatens Med holidays with more tax. 9. Oliver Letwin for running this dim witted approach to communicating policy. 10. Policy groups that report things which are not agreed policy and stir the S*** up in the Mail and damage Conservatives electoral chances.
1. Needless pamphlets produced by ageing tories. 2. An adjective tax, have you seen the press releases coming out of whitehall? 3. A pointless jargon tax (though that might bankrupt local goverment) 4. An income tax (novel this one but basically you would pay a certain percentage of whatever you earned to the government so they could spend it on essential services.) 5. Gas guzzling stuff - like the sun.
1. Hot,obfuscating steam issuing from either of a politician's apertures. 2. A special landing tax for any time bloviator Al Bore lands in the country. Similarly, a special tax on the showing of his silly movie. 3. The BBC - in that it should be taxed the entire amount it extorts from the public. 4. There should be a special tax charged on fake Conservatives, like David Cameron, George Osborne,Matthew D'Ancona and the entire edifice of obfuscatory Tory fakery. 5. A space tax on fat women politicians like Harriet Harmon and the rest of the socialist coven for taking up more than their "fair share" of space in a crowded island. 6. Tax all welfare recipients at 50% of their takings, including the market cost of their housing rental. Sink or swim. 7. A £50,000 non-refunding entrance tax for all immigrants who follow a dangerous cult. This includes all following first cousins, uncles and wot not sneaking in under "family". 8. Tax all funding of the NHS at 100% and redistribute the takings to seed the private sector in medical care. 9. A £10,000 travel tax - non-refundable from official sources - on all politicians travelling to Brussels and on their staff. This to include from the Gordon Who? to every little apparachik working for local councils. 10. Tax at 50% (non-chargeable on expenses) for every apparachik engaged in "outreach" projects, i.e., "real nappy coordinators", "street football coordinators and so on.
All MPs should have £1,000 deducted after tax for their salary for every new law they pass. For every old one they rescind they gain £1,000.
That should reduce the flow of laws.
Each new tax introduced is applied by a factor of 10 to all members of the Government in power. So if VAT is raised by 5%, they pay 50% more.
(Eay to arrange.. just put a marker on their credit cards).
All discussion papers more than 10 A4 pages long should have a special tax applied of £10,000 per page. (after all, more than 10 pages means 90% of the suggestions can't be serious)..
Zak should raise tax on: 1. Income at a flat rate of 30%, with a personal allowance equal to the minimum wage. 2. VAT on companies, non refundable with no exemptions, at 20% of invoice value.
That's it. All other taxes abolished including: council tax, national insurance, saving tax, stamp duty, airport tax, fuel tax, capital gains tax, inheritance tax, import duty, parking ticket fines, speeding tickets, liquor duty, cigarette duty (now that they're virtually illegal anyway) and definitely no more pension tax grabs.
Then perhaps those of us with useful jobs can get idiots like the boy Zak of our backs.
1. A tax on think tanks (and the removal of their charitable status) to discourage their invention of policies to make our lives as difficult and inconvenient as possible.
2. A supplementary income tax on graduates from the London School of Economics and all the Business Schools who infest the Conservative Party, public companies, banks & other financial institutions, the civil service, and of course think tanks, encouraging them to be unremittingly hostile and wholly unresponsive to the requirements and welfare of their customers, employees, and the general public.
3. A supplementary income tax on personnel (or so called "human resources") managers whose petty-minded authoritarianism makes our working lives unnecessarily stressful and miserable.
4. A supplementary corporation tax on all political parties (and a 50 per cent tax on all personal and corporate financial gifts to them).
5. Make all UK citizens who are employees of the European Union and the United States pay full UK income tax - whether they based in the UK or not.
Who cares what that posh schoolboy thinks. Cameron, Osbourne and trhe likes of Goldsmith are taking the Tories down the pan. I hate being disenfranchised by the party faithful who put this bunch of daydreamers in.
Students going to University should pay fees at the same rate as their last year in secondary education or their year eleven rate (5th Form in old money) whichever is greater and the proceeds should be applied to fund scholarships, bursaries and fees remission for those who went to state schools. Or for something green if you insist.
How about that? Can we get cross-party consensus on that?
Parents of Eton boys must laugh their bits off when they hear that instead of paying £23,000 or whatever they can pocket something like £20,000 change.
Iain, outside of your metropolitan cocoon have you really any idea how these silly toffs like Cameron and Goldsmith come over. From out in these northern, provincial wastes I can tell you that Private Eye has their public perception bang to rights with its Dave Snooty and His Pals cartoon.
Boy oh boy are the "nutters and fruitcakes" of UKIP going to enjoy the next election result - and their contribution to it!
1. Himself 2. Windmill farms 3. That fellow in Cornwall on the telly with the walrus moustache 4. Boring cars 5. Nigella Lawson 6. Jade Goody 7. Non-domiciled billionaires 8. Third homes 9. Civil service bonuses 10. Damien Hirst
Tapestry, are you absolutely stone cold certain that Cameron's Tories won't also turn out to be a pro-EU party, because I'm sure as hell not. Remember the EPP Cameron Campaign promise subsequently welshed on.
Remember too those pre Cameron days when the Tories could at least pretend to be against high taxing, high spending big government. That's all gone,so you sure couldn't possibly envisage a PM Cameron standing next to the EU President declaring his mission to be "putting the UK at the heart of Europe?"
The hot air emitting from his mouth.
ReplyDelete1. Reduce it.
ReplyDelete2. Reduce it.
3. Reduce it.
4. Reduce it.
5. Reduce it.
6. Reduce it.
7. Reduce it.
8. Reduce it.
9. Reduce it.
10. Reduce it.
1. Party Hats
ReplyDelete2. Birthday cake
3. Clowns
4. Terry Wogan
5. Roller skates
6. Owls
7. Small children
8. Kind old ladies
9. Smiling lollypop men
10. Easter eggs
Seriously, are we trying to lose the election?
A tax on hot air.
ReplyDeleteThe Quality of Life Report out on Thursday by Messrs. Goldsmith and Gummer could prove very costly in more ways than one.....
Any idiot that mentions green taxes.
ReplyDeleteAny conservative MP that genuinely believes that the public put the environment before the welfare of their family.
ReplyDeleteFishing nets
ReplyDeleteCloset liberals hiding in the conservative party.
ReplyDeletegetting so sick of these top 10s.
ReplyDeleteIdiots...that'd fill the coffers.
ReplyDeleteThe number of words he speaks.
ReplyDeleteUnnecessary hot air produced by environmentalists.
ReplyDeletebedding for pets should be subjected to tax. Hamster,rats,etc cages should classified as "homes" and have to pay council tax as well.
ReplyDelete:P
Himself and the non domiciles.
ReplyDeleteThe word "green".
ReplyDeleteAnd perhaps voting.
He should tax the air that he breathes in; not that anyone else breathes, just his.
ReplyDeleteHe should tax himself for living too.
He should tax recycling that is actually environmentally unfriendly, e.g. green glass, wormeries and compost heaps.
He should slap extra tax on The Environmentalist so that fewer people buy it and so he can save paper by printing fewer copies.
There's a few for you...
DK
All members of parliament(s) whenever they appear on TV.
ReplyDeleteTop ten things to be taxed
ReplyDelete1. Poker Games
2. Trust Funds
3. Night Clubs called Annabelles
4. Burgers (for his mate Gummer)
5. People called Zak.
6. Large policy documents that waste trees in their production.
7. Stupid ideas that tax aspirational things like plasma tv's.
8. Anyone who threatens Med holidays with more tax.
9. Oliver Letwin for running this dim witted approach to communicating policy.
10. Policy groups that report things which are not agreed policy and stir the S*** up in the Mail and damage Conservatives electoral chances.
Aviation fuel
ReplyDeleteBody piercings & tatoos
Chavs
smug politicians
ReplyDelete100% tax on all BBC salaries to the extent that they are higher than the prime minister's.
ReplyDeleteThe patience of the Conservative Party - oh wait, he does that already.
ReplyDeleteTrust fund heirs who get all their environmental "knowledge" from the internet...
ReplyDelete1. Needless pamphlets produced by ageing tories.
ReplyDelete2. An adjective tax, have you seen the press releases coming out of whitehall?
3. A pointless jargon tax (though that might bankrupt local goverment)
4. An income tax (novel this one but basically you would pay a certain percentage of whatever you earned to the government so they could spend it on essential services.)
5. Gas guzzling stuff - like the sun.
Non-ferrous owls, surely? The rest can be safely marshalled - tax-free - by David Miliband's owl magnets.
ReplyDelete1. Hot,obfuscating steam issuing from either of a politician's apertures.
ReplyDelete2. A special landing tax for any time bloviator Al Bore lands in the country. Similarly, a special tax on the showing of his silly movie.
3. The BBC - in that it should be taxed the entire amount it extorts from the public.
4. There should be a special tax charged on fake Conservatives, like David Cameron, George Osborne,Matthew D'Ancona and the entire edifice of obfuscatory Tory fakery.
5. A space tax on fat women politicians like Harriet Harmon and the rest of the socialist coven for taking up more than their "fair share" of space in a crowded island.
6. Tax all welfare recipients at 50% of their takings, including the market cost of their housing rental. Sink or swim.
7. A £50,000 non-refunding entrance tax for all immigrants who follow a dangerous cult. This includes all following first cousins, uncles and wot not sneaking in under "family".
8. Tax all funding of the NHS at 100% and redistribute the takings to seed the private sector in medical care.
9. A £10,000 travel tax - non-refundable from official sources - on all politicians travelling to Brussels and on their staff. This to include from the Gordon Who? to every little apparachik working for local councils.
10. Tax at 50% (non-chargeable on expenses) for every apparachik engaged in "outreach" projects, i.e., "real nappy coordinators", "street football coordinators and so on.
Stupidity and hypocrisy
ReplyDeleteThat would be him f****
Maybe also ask him if he pays UK tax on ALL HIS INCOME whilst he is advoacting more for the rest of us.
He is a Rothschild make sure you have some garlic around your neck.
Celebrity poker tournaments
ReplyDeleteAlan Douglas
1 - Cars
ReplyDelete2 - Agas
3 - Jacuzzis
4 - Bling Watches
5 - Patio Heaters
6 - Laptops - unless solar powered
7 - Mobile phone 'free' minutes
8 - Swearing in public
9 - Using personal stereos on trains
10- Lager
Glory hunting football supporters!
ReplyDeleteAll MPs should have £1,000 deducted after tax for their salary for every new law they pass. For every old one they rescind they gain £1,000.
ReplyDeleteThat should reduce the flow of laws.
Each new tax introduced is applied by a factor of 10 to all members of the Government in power. So if VAT is raised by 5%, they pay 50% more.
(Eay to arrange.. just put a marker on their credit cards).
All discussion papers more than 10 A4 pages long should have a special tax applied of £10,000 per page.
(after all, more than 10 pages means 90% of the suggestions can't be serious)..
Sex
ReplyDeletePeople's first names, using the scoring system from Scrabble.
ReplyDeletePeople with children, whose familes consume vastly more resources than the rest of us, but who presently pay not a penny more in tax.
ReplyDeleteEvery time Brown says 'British', 'we'll learn from...' or does that odd thing he thinks is a smile.
ReplyDeletecows - after all their emissions are more than 4x4s
ReplyDeleteSilly
ReplyDelete1. Owl Magnets
2. QANGOs
3. Outreach co-ordinators
4. Public Sector Job adverts
5. Scarves
6. Ringtones
7. Road Signs, Traffic Lights and humps.
8. Places of Worship (e.g. Bluewater)
9. No-Smoking Signs
10. Hi-Viz jackets
Not So Silly
1. All income at a flat rate above the equivalent of a 40hr week at minimum wage. No deductions.
2. VAT
3. Land
4. er, thats it
i.e no corporation tax, no IHT, no stamp duty, no pensions grab, no capital gains, no pool no pets.
TEST
ReplyDeleteZak should raise tax on:
ReplyDelete1. Income at a flat rate of 30%, with a personal allowance equal to the minimum wage.
2. VAT on companies, non refundable with no exemptions, at 20% of invoice value.
That's it. All other taxes abolished including: council tax, national insurance, saving tax, stamp duty, airport tax, fuel tax, capital gains tax, inheritance tax, import duty, parking ticket fines, speeding tickets, liquor duty, cigarette duty (now that they're virtually illegal anyway) and definitely no more pension tax grabs.
Then perhaps those of us with useful jobs can get idiots like the boy Zak of our backs.
1. A tax on think tanks (and the removal of their charitable status) to discourage their invention of policies to make our lives as difficult and inconvenient as possible.
ReplyDelete2. A supplementary income tax on graduates from the London School of Economics and all the Business Schools who infest the Conservative Party, public companies, banks & other financial institutions, the civil service, and of course think tanks, encouraging them to be unremittingly hostile and wholly unresponsive to the requirements and welfare of their customers, employees, and the general public.
3. A supplementary income tax on personnel (or so called "human resources") managers whose petty-minded authoritarianism makes our working lives unnecessarily stressful and miserable.
4. A supplementary corporation tax on all political parties (and a 50 per cent tax on all personal and corporate financial gifts to them).
5. Make all UK citizens who are employees of the European Union and the United States pay full UK income tax - whether they based in the UK or not.
There should be a swingeing tax on rich, dilletante "environmentalists".
ReplyDelete1. Sex
ReplyDeleteBased on self-assessment. (I know I would find that ruinously expensive myself, but it would be in a good cause)
2. Cow farts
It's actually cattle-made global warming, not man-made.
3. Gratuitous use of the word "Delivery" in the absence of a white van.
4. Ditto "Workshop" in the absence of a lathe.
5. Lists containing 6 or more items.
Stuff all this nonsense - Wife In The North has just solved the tory party's woes - go read immediately her latest post!
ReplyDeleteThe children of dead millionaires
ReplyDeleteWho cares what that posh schoolboy thinks. Cameron, Osbourne and trhe likes of Goldsmith are taking the Tories down the pan. I hate being disenfranchised by the party faithful who put this bunch of daydreamers in.
ReplyDeletepremium rate phone swindles.
ReplyDeleteHis trust fund.
ReplyDelete1. Beards
ReplyDelete2. Sandals
3. Tofu
4. Yoghurt
5. Woolly jumpers
6. Dungarees
7. Flat caps
8. Bicycles
9. Electric cars
10. Yellow and/or red rosettes
Double tax if the item in question is organic.
That ought to transfer a bit more cash out of the hands of wrong headed people.
Tax the BBC for the utter garbage it produces on its news bulletins.
ReplyDeleteAnd junk-food, with subsidies making fruit & vegetables cheaper.
Membership of socialist organisations
ReplyDeleteStudents going to University should pay fees at the same rate as their last year in secondary education or their year eleven rate (5th Form in old money) whichever is greater and the proceeds should be applied to fund scholarships, bursaries and fees remission for those who went to state schools. Or for something green if you insist.
ReplyDeleteHow about that? Can we get cross-party consensus on that?
Parents of Eton boys must laugh their bits off when they hear that instead of paying £23,000 or whatever they can pocket something like £20,000 change.
So here we are a Conservative blog and all of us disagree with the policies put forward by Cameron and his circus of inbreds.
ReplyDeleteMr Davis
Get sharpening that knife.
I'm with C4
ReplyDeleteA tax on trades unions.
They are a dirty and inefficient relic of our industrial era that emit massive amounts of hot air and make life unpleasant for everybody.
Onanism (posh version)
ReplyDeleteIain, outside of your metropolitan cocoon have you really any idea how these silly toffs like Cameron and Goldsmith come over. From out in these northern, provincial wastes I can tell you that Private Eye has their public perception bang to rights with its Dave Snooty and His Pals cartoon.
ReplyDeleteBoy oh boy are the "nutters and fruitcakes" of UKIP going to enjoy the next election result - and their contribution to it!
Rich Kids with too much time and money on their hands
ReplyDeleteukip should be taxed, for enjoying their role in facilitating pro-EU parties to win elections.
ReplyDeletesimple folk - fruit cakes - and wrong. I should know. I used to be one.
10 ten opinion polls
ReplyDelete1. Himself
ReplyDelete2. Windmill farms
3. That fellow in Cornwall on the telly with the walrus moustache
4. Boring cars
5. Nigella Lawson
6. Jade Goody
7. Non-domiciled billionaires
8. Third homes
9. Civil service bonuses
10. Damien Hirst
Pompous self-loathing Tory wankers.
ReplyDeleteTapestry, are you absolutely stone cold certain that Cameron's Tories won't also turn out to be a pro-EU party, because I'm sure as hell not. Remember the EPP Cameron Campaign promise subsequently welshed on.
ReplyDeleteRemember too those pre Cameron days when the Tories could at least pretend to be against high taxing, high spending big government. That's all gone,so you sure couldn't possibly envisage a PM Cameron standing next to the EU President declaring his mission to be "putting the UK at the heart of Europe?"
His brain...
ReplyDeletetgf UKIP - strong post.
ReplyDeleteFollow the Gordo method and do a few token tax reductions, followed by stealth taxes on twice as many things as you reduced.
ReplyDeleteThen set up a highly complex credits system that a lot of people can not work and proudly claim that you are giving billions back to working families.