Dear Gordon,
Your efforts to create a government of all the talents haven't got off to a good start, have they? To be honest, like many others, I am not sure that you were very serious anyway. But congratulations for causing such chaos among our mutual friends in the Liberal Democrats. Not a very nice thing to do to Ming, though, was it? But I see what you were playing at. What you want is that nice Nick Clegg to take over and appeal to southern Conservative voters. A bit transparent, though, wasn't it? Anyway, let's get to the point. If you really do want to create a government of all the talents, you could do worse than this lot... or perhaps a lot better!
Prime Minister: Gordon Brown
Deputy Prime Minister: David Cameron
Chancellor: Ken Clarke
Home Secretary: David Davis
Foreign Secretary: Sir Menzies Campbell
Education: Lord Adonis
Health: Nick Clegg
Transport: The Chipmunk
Trade & Industry: George Osborne
Attorney General: Dominic Grieve
Local Government: Chris Huhne
Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster: William Hague
Chief Whip: Peter Kilfoyle
Environment: David Miliband
Justice: John Denham
Work & Pensions: David Laws
Leader of the House of Commons: Jack Straw
DCMS: Boris Johnson
Northern Ireland: David Trimble
Leader of the Lords: Baroness Shephard of Northwold
International Development: Hilary Benn
Defence: Alan Johnson
Chief Secretary to the Treasury: Ed Balls
There are 10 Labour, 9 Conservative and 5 LibDems here. Obviously I have been a tad naughty with a few of them, but frankly, this lineup is going to be an improvement on whatever you come up with, isn't it?!
Yours Ever,
Iain
Hang on lets have Margaret Thatcher as PM, after all she won an election unlike Broon
ReplyDeleteI would bring the following into my cabinet of all the talents:
ReplyDeleteCulture, Media and Sport: Jade Goody
Norn Iron: The Pope
Foreign: Salman Rusdie
Home Secretary: Vladimir Putin
Trade and Industry: Ronald McDonald
Health: Bernard Manning
Not sure about the Chipmunk, she'll make everyone wear an orange wig and ride a Harley-Davidson to work. Perhaps not quite your style, Iain.
ReplyDeleteGood call on Boris, but I cannot understand why you have such a chubby for the Chipmunk.
ReplyDeleteI would give her Health, so she could protest against her own decisions on the streets of Salford.
Iain - I think you'll find he's planning on the following:
ReplyDeletePrime Minister: Gordon Brown
Deputy Prime Minister: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Chancellor: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Home Secretary: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Foreign Secretary: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Education: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Health: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Transport: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Trade & Industry: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Attorney General: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Local Government: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Chief Whip: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them and makes sure every else does also.
Environment: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Justice: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Work & Pensions: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Leader of the House of Commons: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
DCMS: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Northern Ireland: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Leader of the Lords: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
International Development: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Defence: Somebody who does what Gordon Brown tells them.
Chief Secretary to the Treasury: Ed Balls who deos what Gordon Brown tells him.
Not bad actually. But can't we have Blair as the PM rather than Gordon?
ReplyDeleteJohnson at defence. Order the white flags now.
ReplyDeleteIs there any law against appointing the multi-talented EU Commissioners as McBroon's team? That way they would be working for us and the UK would rule the Commission instead of vice versa(and Dave would not need his referendum - see Iain's next post up).
ReplyDeleteBeware a modern day British politician.
ReplyDeleteIt basically works like this. The more Right you talk the further Left you can go, and visa versa.
So Brown is doing his upmost to seem that he wants other people from other political partys to help him when in fact this is the last possible thing he wants.
This may seem like treating the media and the public like complete fools, but you would be wrong to assume this. Only the public are being treated like fools in this case.
The real problem comes when Brown gives up spinning and starts giving power to people who are not elected or accountable to anyone.
Man in a shed has explained very well what a real Brown cabinet will look like. I look forward to many more sudden heart attacks, road accidents and unexpected succesfull suicide attempts in the future.
No place for Norman Lamb then ?
ReplyDeletePerhaps this should become a petition on the 10 Downing Street site?
ReplyDeleteHow about Cherie Booth as Minister Of Justice?
It would keep the papers happy at least!
PM: Gordon Brown
ReplyDeleteChancellor: Gordon the Gopher
Home Sec: Commissioner Gordon from 'Batman'
Foreign Sec: Gordon Strachan
Education: Gordon from 'Thomas the Tank Engine'
Health: Gordon Ramsay
Defence & anti-Ming Unit: Flash Gordon
you forgot Scotland and Wales- so there we have Alex Salmond can be Secretary of State for Wales and Lord Kinnock, Secretary of State for Scotland
ReplyDeleteWhat about us?
ReplyDeleteNigel Farage as shadow "Europe" minister, surely?
ReplyDeleteNigel as PM - at least for long enough to get the 1972 Act repealed.
ReplyDeleteKen Clarke was responsible for a scandalous tax hike under Major, which I believe was one of the reasons for the Conservative defeat of 1997.
ReplyDeleteChancellor? I don't think so.