Don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?Don't drink, don't smoke - what do you do?
Subtle innuends follow
There must be something inside he's hiding
No one's gonna tell me
What's wrong or what's right
Or tell me who to eat with, sleep with
Or that I've won the big fight, big fight
Since my post on France 24 below I have had a couple of emails from people asking why I don't drink. Believe it or not it's because I don't enjoy the taste of alcohol. I used to drink socially but it got to the point where I thought to myself, 'I enjoy orange juice more than wine, so why not drink what I enjoy?' I also don't drink tea or coffee (double yuk) - it's usually Lemon Fanta or grapefruit juice. What a party animal I am! The thought of drinking a pint of beer makes me feel sick. The only alcoholic drinks I ever enjoyed were vodka and, er, the ultimate tart's drink, Pernod & Blackcurrant.
So as Adam Ant says, 'I don't drink, I don't smoke'. I just stick with the 'subtle innuendo'. So no barfing on the pavement at the 18DoughtyStreet staff Christmas Party tonight then... Wouldn't want to get an ASBO, would I?
19 comments:
"Pernod & Blackcurrant." God Iain, that is so eighties. But if that was your tipple, then no wonder you don't drink now.
I hate people who question someone who is teetotal, they don't need a reason to "not" drink alcohol.
Tart. But pretty cheap to take out, eh?
I once, rather too many years ago, knew a girl who got drunk on Coca-Cola, ending up pink-faced and giggling after making one glass last the entire evening. Those were the days.
What was that Francis Maude said about 'mincing metrosexuals'?
I'd think more carefully before choosing my role models if I were you Iain. Last time I saw Stuart he was hanging around with the ugliest bint Camden Town had to offer and planning yet another career comeback.
The auspices are not good.
If you enjoy vodka and Pernod & Blackcurrent, why not drink them? Do you just want to be able to say you don't drink?
As someone who enjoys most forms of alcohol (except,perhaps, vodka or Pernod & blackcurrant!), I've never really understood what "the taste of alcohol" means. It seems to me to have a rich variety of tastes, depending on the form it takes.
Anyway, enjoy the party, Iain - but DON'T have one for me!
I don't drink and I have no idea why. I drank half a bottle of beer when I was about 10, felt a bit queasy, and thought "I don't think I'll do that again" and I never have. Of course now that I am old, people assume I don't drink because I am a recovering alcoholic.
I can't really drink because of the drugs that I take for epilepsy, and people do seem to find it distasteful in some way that I am not chugging pints like I am 'supposed to'. I think it is because the idea of me not doing something that they see as essential for a good time makes them feel worse about it themselves.
J20 is quite good if you ever get stuck for ideas in a pub!
While Morris Dancing in Yorkshire we did fall for Pernod and lemonade - but then one of the boys decided that Pernod and Calvados was even better.
Then there were the Southern Comfort shandies when dancing on the Broads.
Get into a good real ale pub and try half pints - you'll find some really gorgeous beers Iain. - Try the Fat Cat in Norwich - possibly the best beer pub in the world - and it will be even better with no smoking!
A tragic revelation! Lemon Fanta? Fizzy sugared water with additives and colouring?!? It is nearly as bad as the sugared phosphoric acid solution known as "coca cola"!!
I completely agree that drinking for drinking's sake is not a particularly worthwhile pursuit. The chav-ridden town centres of a Friday night, with their cloned vertical-drinking warehouses are best avoided.
However, think of all the things you miss:
- the rich taste and intoxicating smell of a large glass of red wine in front of a roaring fire on a winter evening, reading a good book and listening to music.
- the refreshing bite of a pint (or a half pint) of a light pale ale, brewed with carefully selected hops, preferably drunk after a long walk in the country.
- the crispness of an ice-cold glass of Chablis, sipped outdoors on a summer's evening.
Add food and conversation into the equation and the pleasure is multiplied many times. Sadly, modern drinking focuses on the chemical effects of ethanol rather than the vital ingredients of taste, smell, environment and companionship.
You are brave, Iain, to be openly teetotal.
We should celebrate diversity in a world where non-drinkers are viewed with suspicion and opprobrium.
Having to meet secretly, in Juice Bars, with people of like mind must be stifling socially.
Still Hollywood seems to be taking the lead with films like
"Cokeback Mountain" and "Fanta Claus the Movie" to create non-alcohol awareness. I hear George Clooney is to do a cutting edge expose of the Aspartame trade and how they exploit "Soft Drinkers"
It must be tough day in, day out, to get that "look" from waiters and the sarcastic "Not a great year for the Um Bongo,sir, but I think you will be amused by its presumption."
We can only hope that the day comes when you can have a glass of water on 18DS without getting the usual drink-stained hate letters.
http://www.umbongo.com/
billy boy - What a ridiculous post. Iain doesn't drink. Why do you want him to adopt your habits? He doesn't care where you think has the best beer. He doesn't drink. Capice?
Drinks that have been touched by the beneficial magics of fermentation can have extraordinarily complex flavour if you care to pay attention.
Personally I couldn't do without my Scotch and various kinds of dark and heavy beers. But even home made lemonade, where the bubbles are put in using yeast rather than pressurised carbon dioxide, is better tasting by far.
De gustibus, of course.
I have had to go 'teetotal' on a number of occasions in the past due to being on medication of one kind or another. I am always surprised, even as an 'old codger' how 'weird' it is perceived not to drink, and how much 'peer pressure' there is from others.
Mind you, I don't have a telly at the moment, and people can't get their heads around that either. By way of compensation I'm a 'tea-aholic'.
Not suggesting you fall off the wagon, but a small medicinal glass of red wine occasionally is quite beneficial to health, without any of the side effects of other drinks which you mentioned in your post.
anonymous 6:56 - Why do you assume that Iain is "on the wagon"? That's for serious drinkers who are trying to quit or are suffering from liver disease.
The man isn't interested in drinking. He's not denying himself anything. He isn't interested. Why is that so hard to understand?
Why do assume he has been hanging back from drinking because he hadn't had your recommendation or Billy Boy's recommendation?
This is beyond bizarre.
verity - yet another condescending post. this really is getting very tedious. I didn't post the comment about 'on the wagon'.
But for your information, in Britain, [a country you seem to know little, and care less about] the phrase 'on the [water] wagon' is just a light hearted phrase to describe someone who doesn't drink alcohol. It certainly does not contain the innuendo you have either mistakenly ascribed to it, or just 'made up' in a misguided attempt to appear erudite or intelligent.
Anonymous of 9:59 aka 7:56, if indeed it is you, did indeed write: "Not suggesting you fall off the wagon".
I believe "on the wagon" is an American term, although I didn't know it referred to a water wagon. I think in my mind for some reason I thought it referred to a club car in a Pullman train. I don't know why. Did Britain have 'water wagons'? I think not.
But the pioneers crossing the prairies had wagons for carrying water and I suspect that is where it came from, now that I think about it. So I believe the term is American.
The phrase means someone who is foregoing alcohol. Someone who has no desire to drink alcohol, as in Iain's case, is not foregoing it.
You really do not like women bloggers, do you? Especially contentious ones. Would you post such a dismissive, curled lip response to a male? I think not.
I don`t care what you say I do not trust a man who doesn`t drink. he is always careful .He never says things he shouldn`t , and you never really know him . he can pretend to like you for years whereas a few beers and you soon find out
Tee totalers are sneaky by nature and wish to get up early to improve their carreers.The common prejudice against them is entirely justified as are most prejudices.
I am prejudiced agaisn the A list . I suspect they are creeps I cannot trust . perhaps I am right
It seems to be widely accepted that about 6% of UK adults are lesbian, gay or bisexual. About 3% of people in the UK are Moslems.
Between 10 & 15% of UK adults are non-drinkers.
It is hard to imagine any thoughtful person being as rude or dismissive to either of the first 2 groups as they are to the latter.
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