"I thank you, Mr. Deputy Speaker, and the Government Front-Bench team for
their understanding in allowing me to leave the Chamber briefly earlier in order
to see my daughter's nativity play. Even though we all face tough economic
circumstances, I know that all hon. Members will want to find time in their
schedules for seasonal festivities. I was particularly pleased to read about the
great fun had by all at the Christmas party held by the Secretary of State at
the Department for Children, Schools and Families. I understand that, as well as
wine and canapés, the Secretary of State also laid on for members of the press a
Scalextric demonstration, a Nintendo Wii and some Star Wars light sabres. Those
were not products acquired during the seasonal sale that Woolworths has just
launched to celebrate the life-saving effects of the recent VAT cut; nor were
they the toys that the Prime Minister threw out of his pram on hearing what the
German Finance Minister thought of his policies. They were, in fact, there to
help members of the press celebrate the first anniversary of the children's
plan. I also understand that the climax of the party was a light sabre duel
between the Secretary of State and Mr. Michael White of The Guardian, modelled
on the epic duel between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars—these are
serious times and we need serious people. I also understand that the Secretary
of State won, and I am sure that, as he triumphed, he uttered the words that the
Home Secretary spoke to my hon. Friend the Member for Ashford (Damian Green)
just the other week—"May the force be with you". But whether or not we believe
in the force, and the power of the dark side, I am sure that we can forgive
light-heartedness at this time. Of course, some hon. Members may have been in
good spirits yesterday for reasons other than the formal anniversary of the
children's plan. They may have been listening to the Prime Minister taking pride
in his global rescue plan. Well, we now know what the man in charge of Europe's
biggest economy thinks of that. The Prime Minister may believe, in his more
modest moments, that he is Franklin D. Roosevelt, but the truth is that he is
closer to a political Max Mosley: he thinks he is king of the world and he has
clearly got money to burn, but all people remember is that he got a terrific
spanking in German. [Interruption.] Thank you."
I'd like to print more extracts from great parliamentary oratory, so if you come across any, do email me!
I watched it live - it all fell a bit flat, and the jokes were pretty poor, especially the "may the force be with you" line. Hardly great parliamentary oratory.
ReplyDeleteI like it. But then those on the end of the spanking cannot be expected to like it.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly reads well. I liked it.
ReplyDeleteOf course, as any comedian will confide, it's the way you tell them.
On the subject of spanking, is it just me or did anybody else think there were BDSM undertones to the Wonder Woman issue of TP?
It's a pity the Hazel Blears issue didn't go with the same idea. Iain, I think you have arrived at a front page house style!
And yet "Stab in the Dark" failed to get picked up for a second series. It's a puzzler.
ReplyDeleteI agree tom and jimmy,not a patch on Our Great Leader's"we saved the world"comment that set the whole world laughing.
ReplyDeleteI know I'll be laughed out of the room as the Sour Grapes Labour supporter that I am.... but, seriously, does "Great Parliamentary Oratory" these days consist of anything more than laboured political in-jokes and old-boys club back-slapping?
ReplyDeleteRobin Cook's resignation speech: THAT is great Parliamentary Oratory. Nothing since has compared.
Bravo. The Labour politburo has trampled all over wit and banter in the House. May the Tories revive it.
ReplyDeleteIt was a clever and witty speech and there aren't many in the House these days.
ReplyDeleteMemo to above trolls:
Don't feel you have to make negative comments on every post.
You'd be more effective with the occasional killer rebuttle.
Iain, have you bumped into the gorgious Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner yet, I believe she is soliciting in Moscow this week.
ReplyDelete@Bird - That is definitely the lowest threshold for "trolling" I've seen in a long time! All comments here are on-topic and polite.
ReplyDeleteCare to point out the trolls? I can't see them.
and @Cicero: am I the Labour Politburo? If so, funny that I chose a rebel as my example of good oratory...
I thought it was a 'scandal' for a minute when I read 'Michael Gove in Spanking Form'!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful oration. There's no doubt that Gove has the brains for government and it's about time we had some sparkling wit in the HoC.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds mostly like he is jealous that Ed Balls got a Wii and a racing car set. Maybe he got socks for Christmas.
ReplyDeleteCheer up, Michael Gove, I'm sure you are still the master of the 12-sided die whatever that fatty Balls might say.
"we all face tough economic circumstances"
ReplyDeleteI doubt it. BAH!
Ah, but Max had to pay to be humiliated by a German. Gordon just has to turn up.
ReplyDelete