When I came into work this afternoon I was confronted by a picture of Ming Campbell on the wall, by the desk of 18 Doughty Street's Head of Production, the delectable Miss Alice Wright. She, a mere slip of a girl at the age of 22, seems to be deeply in love with the Mingster. I tried to explain to her that we don't allow pictures on our newly decorated walls and that she'd better take it down PDQ. "But he's lovely," she bleated like a lovesick teenager. As a responsible employer, I thought I should canvas opinion on what I should do next. Over to you, dear reader.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
My Ming Campbell Picture Dilemma
When I came into work this afternoon I was confronted by a picture of Ming Campbell on the wall, by the desk of 18 Doughty Street's Head of Production, the delectable Miss Alice Wright. She, a mere slip of a girl at the age of 22, seems to be deeply in love with the Mingster. I tried to explain to her that we don't allow pictures on our newly decorated walls and that she'd better take it down PDQ. "But he's lovely," she bleated like a lovesick teenager. As a responsible employer, I thought I should canvas opinion on what I should do next. Over to you, dear reader.
Buy her a miniature dartboard to place behind it ... then everybody is happy.
ReplyDeleteI think the ageism against the Ming is beyond a joke. He is a mere boy compared to the likes of Ian Paisley who is only just embarking on his political career.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Queen does not appear to be planning to take it easy anytime soon.
And I think Joan Collins is quite shaggable, and she is no spring chicken. So stop this hideous age discrimination.
Iain, you should immediately send her for councelling, you owe a duty of care which includes the need to look after the health (both physical and mental)of your employees whilst they are at work. She needs help PDQ.
ReplyDeleteanon. 5:55
ReplyDeleteNo mention was made of age... you've just displayed your own discrimination by assuming it had anything to do with age.
Maybe she's lost her grandparents or something and needs a replacement OAP ...?
ReplyDeleteI think you should give her a raise.
ReplyDeleteraise her pay! raise her pay! raise her pay!
ReplyDeletePoor Alice, she must be suffocating in all that neo-conservatism. Let her keep Ming, even if he is old enough to be her great-grandfather.
ReplyDeleteIf its a company policy, you need to get her to take it down, else you would appear to be giving her special treatment.
ReplyDeleteIf not, I suggest you have the wall repainted with a huge mural of Margaret Thatcher.
There are plenty of other attractive male Tories out there, including, Jeremy Hunt, Daniel Kawzynski, Nick Herbert, Adam Afriyie and Nick Hurd to name a few.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should do a vote, along the lines of the sexiest MP that was taken off webcameron recently. Then your young lady can choose from the top three?
Young people and their ignorance.
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful.
Well if she wasn't so lovely herself I would have suggested taking her outside and shooting her!
ReplyDeleteOh Iain and you other guys out there - you completely miss the point. Ming is sexy because he is a gentleman, he is well mannered, he is well dressed, he speaks well and would not use the kind of f***ing language that you rightly want to forbid on this site. I think it's the blokes who are "ageist" - I think many women of whatever age would consider him to be - well, a lot more sexy than "Callmedave".
ReplyDeleteShe's taking liberties with your good nature.
ReplyDeleteIf you had this rule prior to this photo going on the wall, simply insist that your employee removes it as she's in breach of your rules - or she will never respect you or your rules again.
Even if you didn't have this rule prior to the pic going up, it must be an infered part of a Conservative business's employment contract that employees do not bring the business into disrepute by advertising other political parties in the office.
This is tantamount to a Tesco cashier wearing a tee shirt which states 'Shop at Sainsbury!', it's unacceptable.
Auntie Flo'
Alice moved her desk in front of our cool/uncool board after only one entrant. Ruined all our fun.
ReplyDeleteIain, tell her you wish you'd done a tenth of what Campbell's achieved in his life. You sad wannabe carper.
ReplyDeleteYes, that would do it.
"Young people and their ignorance."
ReplyDeleteWhat? Iain Dale's 54!
And it is not just a photo of Ming, it states:
ReplyDelete"I love the Lib Dems"
Auntie Flo'
You know what they say, 'There is nothing like someone who is cheerful in their work, and Alice is nothing like...'
ReplyDeleteFFS
ReplyDeleteFather figure stupid!
Ask if she has any of her parent(s) & offer to provide a couple of frames!
God Bless her!
ReplyDeleteShe needs help,hope she has private medical ins!
Oh good grief, let the girl have whatever picture she wants on her calendar on the wall. Why is it that every female who thinks another person is wonderful is suddenly a bit of a worry if that person is male, nay an older male, or worse, an older married male who's in politics! Well ok there's a list, including Edwina Currie but we're not all that bad. Give the girl a raise in salary, enough to buy a house and she'll spend so long at B&Q she'll forget all about Ming. Get her pregnant and she'll be so knackered she won't be able to think at all. You'll have to marry her first though Iain, you're supporting families remember, not fostering moral decline!
ReplyDeleteHow about asking her if she's ever considered a proper job?
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a model release signed, otherwise she can sue you for publication without permission.
ReplyDeleteOr is it in the contract?
About seven months ago a pregnant 20 something year old offered me her seat on an Istanbul bus. I was mortified. Says a lot about the Turks though.
ReplyDeletePlease thank Alice for bringing some meaning back into my life albeit by proxy via a LibDem. And now the sun has come out and it will soon be time for just the one.
"And all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well when....." oh God I've forgotten how the rest of it goes.
I think Joan Collins is quite shaggable
ReplyDeleteMaybe we could pair her off with Ming? That'd put a zing in his Zimmer.
Alice knows the golden rule. Men of a "certain" age are sexy. They dress smartly, they have manners and charm, they have experienced life. And they don't have the urge to post drivel on the internet in a desperate attempt to get somebody to notice them, when in fact they should be doing something much more interesting instead.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I wish I was an old man.
Offer to install a Ming's picture on her pc as a screen saver instead of defacing the office wall.
ReplyDeleteEr, has she been to the opticians recently?
ReplyDeleteLook here you Cnut.
ReplyDeleteSTOP playing the SEX and AGE stuff.
Ming as you most probably know, unlike Blair Is A decent sort of guy and so too is Alice.
What impressed me this day was ZAC's interview about Tory energy Policy on PM this evening. Nice to know the Tories ain't lost the plot and are actually thinking about the real world. Well impressed.
PS I reckon you owe ALICE an apology, a deletion of that shite snap of her and replacing with a properjob flattering portrait.
You should take her outside and smack her bare bottom. Just remember to turn on the webcam, thanks.
ReplyDeleteDoes she always wear headphones or just whilst you're in the room?
ReplyDeleteOn closer inspection the wall appear to have cracks. It would appear that the empire is crumbling. The picture might hold things up for a bit longer. She appears to have a good sense of humour. Perhaps she ought to photocopy it and plaster them all over the NF fridge...
ReplyDeleteShe's a fifth columnist. Sack her!
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of the Tony Hancock line... "I've just spent thirty bob having this room done out and I'm not having you sticking pins in it!"
ReplyDeleteOn second thoughts, did she read my article published tonight? (At the bottom)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mattwardman.com/blog/2007/05/23/political-parties-through-the-lens-of-erotic-underwear/
Matt
Now now Mr Dale. Perhaps you were uncharactewistically impewious; the delectable Miss Alice Wwight has fallen for an older man. In this case it was not your good self. Mr Campbell is dapper and clean and does not have that odour that young boys in their bedwooms sometimes have.
ReplyDeleteHe also stands for a fine party that appeals to young ladies of a nervous disposition who may be seeking assuwance and maturwity in an age where cyberspace and web television may just be an platform for solitary for self-abuse.
Wight now, Alice may be feeling wejected and abnormal for her modest show of desire in Ming. Perhaps you should make amends?
A small bunch of flowers and an invitation to the Commons Tea room to meet her hewo would suffice.
(dictated using Zenith Voice Wecognition Algowithm Technology)
May I suggest watching the film 'Secretary' with James Spader & Maggie Gyllenhaal. That should show you how to treat the young minx.
ReplyDeleteblue tac yuk ,worse cellotape
ReplyDeletenail oh no
it so depends on the quality of the hanging
You leave Alice alone and stop inviting the whole of the creepy blogosphere to comment on her! She's cool and therefore can get away with almost anything - even having Ming next to her desk
ReplyDeleteAt last I've found Miss Wright - whose photo now adorns my office wall.
ReplyDeleteGet her some new specs, a guide dog, and then have her certified!
ReplyDeleteMing is 'minging'! Mind you many of my associates have found my taste in men questionable!!
ReplyDeleteHave you got any young men there with pictures of Ann Widdecombe on the wall?
ReplyDeletejailhouselawyer said...
ReplyDeletePerhaps she ought to photocopy it and plaster them all over the NF fridge...
Now come on jailhouse, that's just axeing for trouble.
It could have been worse ... it could have been a photo of Melissa Kite!!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteTell her to sit up straight.
ReplyDeleteHasn't she seen the Gvnt's website set up at great expense to combat bad backs?