Danny Finkelstein has a really interesting competition HERE. He wants to know the best person you can think of who has shaken the hand of someone you have shaken hands with. Here are a couple of Danny's own entries...* When I was a little boy, I shook hands with a man who, as a little boy, had shaken hands with Florence Nightingale
* I have shaken hands with Henry Kissinger who shook hands with Chairman Mao.
* I have met Ron Silver (Bruno) who has shaken hands with President Bartlett
I'm trying to think of an entry but I'm having difficulty getting beyond shaking the hand of Margaret Thatcher who shook the hand of Ronald Reagan, or Jeremy Thorpe who shook the hand of Lloyd George.
Of course, if Danny was writing for The Sun and not The Times the competition would be of a rather different nature... So I want to know the best person you can think of who has ******* someone you have *******.
Well, we've all been shafted by Blair. Is that what you meant?
ReplyDeleteI have shaken the hand of Tony Blair, who has kissed the Queen's hand whose hand was kissed by Sir Winston Churchill
ReplyDeleteI could point out that Churchill would have shook hands with Chamberlain who shook hands with Hitler, but being six degrees of sperate physical contact with one of the most vile men in history makes me feel slightly ill
As someone who occasionally gets in trouble for mentioning my private life online, I'm slightly scared to mention this, but it may be interesting to point out that back in the dark and very distant past, I once had a girlfriend who had a "liaison" with Jason Orange from Take That.
ReplyDeleteShe first dated an Armani model. Then Jason Orange. Then me. Then went off with an international hockey player (field hockey, not ice hockey). So goodness knows where I fitted into that as a humble student.
Don't know what she's doing now (or indeed who she's doing now!), but she lived in a lovely house behind Alexandra Palace.
I have an ex who slept with Tommy Sheridan. While we were still going out. After we broke up she recommended I get a Chlamydia test. I can only put two and two together.
ReplyDeleteKerron, are you trying to tell us you s****d Lulu?!
ReplyDeleteAs da kids say, respect!
I shook the hand of that Iain Dale once.... Lloyd George etc. And I have shaken the hand of Bill Gates who has shaken the hand of everybody. I also shook the hand of Saul Bellow. It was a great honour but he's dead now so he won't appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteErm...for the record: No (although it's a lovely thought).
ReplyDeleteMy best effort would be Bill Clinton (I hasten to add this is in the hand-shaking category) who has shaken hands with JFK.
ReplyDeleteIn 2005 my Dad took me to the Burma Star vets do at the Cenotaph followed by a reception at Westminster Hall. We were greeted by John Prescott as Deputy PM who very kindly welcomed everyone with a handshake.
ReplyDeleteWhilst we all thought that this was a fine gesture it does get me way closer to a whole range of people that I would rather not be that close to thank you, Tracey not least.
She said that about half of the lower house had been through her at some stage or other. I couldn't get any names, not even for an extra £50.
ReplyDeleteJeremy Thorpe?
ReplyDeleteThe man who shook the **** of Norman Scott.
Crude, Iain, crude. Why do you assume we're all so promiscuous? Perhaps in the incestuous little world of Westminster gays that might have some relevance, but not to most of the rest of us!
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, back in the real world, I once bought a washing machine from a man whose father once had lunch with Laurence of Arabia :-)
I've shaken the hand of Peter Mandelson and I do not wish to think about it any further.
ReplyDeleteDon`t be so naieve Iain , loads of people have had sex with Lulu . Her office is in the Whitely centre.When my wife ( first) used to work tbere I was always having to fend her off
ReplyDeleteI shook hands with an old Lady , Mary Jeffries who knew Sydney and Beatrice Webb very indeed. Also Jack Charlton which must get me into all sorts of sporting greats.
Some of that isn`t true . Ok I admit it I gave in to Lulu , she had this to say about the interesting experience.
"WAiiiiiiaaallll you know you make me want to shout wooooo!!"
Which was nice
I once shagged the German Argiculture Minister's wife. Her sister wanted to join us but she sadly she said no.
ReplyDeleteShould have made some money from the German papers really..
I know I there's only three people between myself and William Burroughs in ummm, sexual relations...
ReplyDeleteAlso handshakes I am merely 2 people away from Jimi Hendrix.
Norman Tebbit and IDS are close to me, although not direct (one person between I think) (growing up in Chingford kind of guarantees it I suppose).
Does that mean I'm two away from you Iain? Now I do feel special ;)
I have shaken the hands of both my uncle and the late Princess Di, who have both shaken some appendage or other of Prince Charles!
ReplyDeleteWho is President Bartlett ?
ReplyDeleteI once shook the hand of Derren Nesbitt, who's car had broken down in the West End, who shook hands with Richard Burton, when they appeared in the film Where Eagles Dare.
ReplyDeleteShook the hand of an Uncle who shook the hand of Ho Chi Minh.
ReplyDeleteOrrence, orrence said...
ReplyDeleteCrude, Iain, crude. Why do you assume we're all so promiscuous?
Because given half a chance most single people are, I presume nobody fancies you , hence the bitterness.
Does this make me a flamer or blog bully?
Apart from when the target has been dead too long it's difficult not to be within the six degrees. There are nodal people - like Kissinger, then a layer down like an eminent academic teacher at university, or a church connexion, it's a surprisingly short linkage for any roman catholic to Benedict XVI , or a social contact - I was Neville Chamberlain's daughter's neighbour and, considering the street as a whole, there was the whole of the development of capitalism in England over the previous 200 years having occasional neighbourly drinks.
ReplyDeleteIt's not who anyone could know, it's how can anyone, even across continents, even across time, disconnect.
Morgan Forster said it all really.
My uncle always claims to be the Sid who inspired "if you see Sid, tell him". Not sure I believe him.
ReplyDeleteJack Straw anyone?
ReplyDeleteHandshake with Queen Elizabeth II.
ReplyDeleteAlso the Queen ( Helen Mirren)
The Queen ( Judy Dench)
The Queen of Hearts ( Diana)
The Queen ( Freddy Mercury)
Well when I was a boy I met the old England cricketer Patsy Hendren. Early in his career he played against CB Fry. Who had a audience with Hitler (see Fry's book Life Worth Living) in the 1930's.
ReplyDeleteDuring WWII my father met General Sir Edward Spears who had earlier been the liason officer between the British and French governments. So again I am two steps away from meeting the British and French Governments of 1940. and I wasn't even born then.
The permutations are endless and I am sure most people will be amazed at how close they are to most of famous people of the last century.
I've shook hands with Lord Levy who has had his palm greased by all 'n' sundry
ReplyDeleteShaken the hand of Kerry Packer, Sir James Goldsmith and Rupert Murdoch. Two of them have died. And one of them was good mates with Lord Lucan, though he isn't hiding in my shed in Newark
ReplyDeleteI shook the hand, when working for Senator McCain, of a man old enough to have voted for Arizona to have become a state. He, in turn, had met Frederick Douglass.
ReplyDeleteI've also shaken the hand of Buzz Aldrin.
Not bad going, really.
I shook the hand of Lembit Opik who got jiggy with both a cheeky girl and Sian Lloyd.
ReplyDeleteSo in many ways, I'm the new Lady Di.
Where is (our) Peter Hitchens, whose mother shook the hand of Danny Kaye when he used to come into her shop?
ReplyDeleteI outrank you all. I have shaken the hand of the great Paul McGrath.
ReplyDeleteHave shaken Pele's hand - so that probably means most heads of state/actors/sports stars of the last 50 years!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little, I shook Bobby Kennedy's hand.
ReplyDeleteNothing's topped that.
It brings back a fond memory of "The Doc" telling a story down the King's Arms. He was on a welcoming committee in India when Harry James and his Orchestra came out to play for the troops. They were all a bit in awe of this Legend and the top brass were there to do courtesies. Harry James came down the steps, stuck his hand out; "Guys, how would you like to shake the hand, that holds the cock, that goes up Betty Grable?"
ReplyDeleteThe most interesting handshake for me was going to visit a Lib Dem member in North Norfolk who I didn't know from Adam. After "shaking hands" with him and having a chat, I found out he worked on all the Monty Python films and TV programs, so he had shaken hands with all the Python crew AND George Harrison. I had an enjoyable afternoon chatting with him at length about everything except politics.
ReplyDeleteI did once give a lift to a polling station a lady in Cromer (North Norfolk) who had shaken hands with Lloyd George.
Brian May - so Freddie Mercury, Paul McCartney...
ReplyDeleteDavid Owen - Leonid Brezhnev, Thatcher...
George Soros...
Francis Fukuyama.
It's a bit too easy, this one.
An exboyfriend of mine 'knew' a girl who'd had a liason with Des Lynam. Dirty old goat.
ReplyDeleteI am but two handshakes away from His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings and Elect of God.
ReplyDeleteOlder Labour party members may be able to get back to Queen Victoria at one remove. Hugh Dalton, who lived till 1962, was the son of the Queen's chaplain. When he was a very small child he was taken to lunch with the aged Queen. They probably didn't shake hands, but the tiny Dalton saw her eating a chicken leg with her fingers, and pointed his own finger at her and said, 'Piggy wiggy, piggy wiggy.' (A sign of things to come: as an obsessive adult, he insisted on chewing each mouthful of food 32 times.)
ReplyDeleteWe were greeted by John Prescott as Deputy PM who very kindly welcomed everyone with a handshake. (Phil)
ReplyDeleteSnap! Well sort of, I once shook a placard at two jags.
Oh blast, I forgot to add to my other posting about this that he then screwed up his ugly mug - as only two jags can - and blew me the most evil looking raspberry you have ever seen.
Something on my placard must have upset him, eh? Or maybe it was I said to him.
I shook Clem Atlee's hand who'd kissed the Queen's hand.
ReplyDeleteI've put this on the other site too, Iain, but what I didn't add was that I was dressed as a fairy at the time, whereas all the rest of the (many) other girls there - who did not get to shake his hand - were dressed as the Queen :)
I've shaken hands with a colleague who sent me the following link to a petition on Blair's website which calls on him to scrap his car tracking and road charging policy. The petition is growing at the rate of 20,000-30,000 signatures a day:
ReplyDeletehttp://petitions.pm.gov.uk/list/open?sort=signers
I've shaken hands with the Dalai Lama, who's shaken hands with a fair number of senior politicians.
ReplyDeleteI also have shaken hands with John Smith (of that he hadn't died and left us the repulsive Tony), Diana Rigg and Auberon Waugh on the same night. I was working for the Reform club when they hosted the 50th anniversary party for Desert Island Discs (I still have the souvenire CD somewhere). Between them they must have picked a few great handshakes - Thatcher, Bill Deedes ...
Sir William van Straubenzee used to come to our house for Tory party meetings, but I was only 5 so might not have shaken hands. Apparently he did like to play with us kids, rather than get on with constituency business. Another one to shake Maggie's hand.
Kerron - you have a vague connection with me then. My sister had a brief liason with Jason Orange in the Paradise factory, a gay club in Mnachester.
One more hand shake. I've shaken hands with Frank Bruno, who shook hands with Mike Tyson, who shook hands with Larry Holmes, who shook hands with Muhammed Ali, who shook hands with George Foreman...Joe Frazier...Jimmy Ellis...Floyd Patterson...Sonny Liston...Archie Moore...Rocky Marciano...Jersey Joe Walcott...Joe Louis. I know that's too many degrees, but who cares?
ReplyDeleteI have a vague connection with Kerron. My sister had a brief liason with jason Orange, int he Paradise Factory, a gay club in Manchester.
ReplyDeleteHowever I am also but two shakes away from many world leaders. I havde shaken hands with the Dalai Lama, when he came to speak in the Cambridge Union. He has a few handshakes to his name.
I also managed to shake hands with Auberon Waugh, Diana Rigg and John Smith (oh, that he had survived and not left us to the revolting Princess Tonee) on the same evening. I was working fo the Reform Club when they hosted a party for the 50th anniversary of Desert Island Discs. That covers most of Fleet Street and the Commons.
Sir William van Straubenzee used to vist our house for Tory Party meetings. I was only 5 so probably didn't shake hands, but apparently he would play with us rather than get on with party business. although i would have disagreed with Bill (as we called him) politically, that goes for everyone from Churchill to Thatcher in handshakes.
My father had a brilliant introduction to the famous American actor and comedian Jackie Gleason. He had just landed at an USAF airstrip in India during WWII. He took my fathers hand and said something about a very famous American female film-star.
ReplyDeleteGreat true story.
Jeromy Jacobs said: "My father had a brilliant introduction to the famous American actor and comedian Jackie Gleason. He had just landed at an USAF airstrip in India during WWII. He took my fathers hand and said something about a very famous American female film-star.
ReplyDelete"Great true story."
Are you mad?
No, and it should have been Jackie Coogan. And what's mad about my father. You ought to havemore respect for our WWII war heros.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm owed an apology!
I have shaken hands with this man:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Cakobau%2C_Jr.
It is inconceivable that he would not have shaken hands with Frank Bainimarama, the leader of the recent coup in Fiji, and President Ratu Josefa Iloilo. It should also give me a pretty good coverage at one remove of South Pacific dignitaries.
Very crude Iain, but since you ask, the best I can manage is that I once went out with someone in Sheffield who was an ex of Russell Senior from Pulp.
ReplyDeleteAs far as handshakes go, I refer the honourable gentleman to the answer given by Mr Burgin, as I can't better that!
I slept with a girl who slept with a man who slept with Stephen Twigg - god only knows who Stephen Twigg slept with......
ReplyDelete....but it was all a very long time ago!
At college, I used to row with Tory MP Graham Stuart. Does this mean I can claim you Iain? Incidentally, for a couple of weeks we were coached by Hugh Laurie.
ReplyDeleteThe mention of Stephen Twigg recalls to mind the story of an old colleague who was covering the 1997 general election from his newspaper's head office. When Twigg's victory over Portillo flashed on the screen, a gay sub-editor piped up: "Stephen Twigg! I s*****d him at university!"
ReplyDeleteI've shaken the hand of Cherie Blair, who has done more than shake the hand of Tony...
ReplyDeleteCome on, Verity, I'm sure that someone of your elegance, wit, eruidtion etc. has had contact with the great and the good. Do tell all
ReplyDeleteThe handshake route is too easy. I think I can claim the Queen, all PM's back as far as MacMillan, the Sultan of Brunei, Lee Kwan Yew, Hashemi Rafsanjani and/or Ahmadinejad, the Makhtoums, Liz Taylor, Donald Trump, a few Popes and probably Mother Theresa.
ReplyDeleteMuch harder via the more intimate connection, but I can claim 2 s***s and a sibling relationship from the [n]'th in line to the throne, where n is a single digit number.
Just realised that I can claim two Queens among my nth removed handshakes - a real and a legendary Queen:
ReplyDeletethe 2nd degree handshake with our present Queen (via Atlee) I've already mentioned and a first degree handshake with Brian May of Queen, the world's greatest band.
Have also shaken the hand of Harlow and district's next MP, the amazing Robert Halfon (Conservative), so can claim a second degree handshake with Cameron.
Have one more handshake but,in view of how awry it went, I'm not sure I should mention it until after the next election.
I once shook the hand of Hayek who...well...was so wise that he must have shaken the hand of God.
ReplyDeleteI have also shaken hands with someone who, within a few weeks, shook hands with both Nelson Mandela and the Spice Girls (but, in that case, the someone was not God).
Spoof entries:
ReplyDeleteI was once punched by a man who was punched by John Prescott.
I once shook hands with an honest man who had shaken hands with a member of the Cabinet.
I once slept with a girl, who slept with a man, who slept with a girl, who slept with the Prince of Wales.
Real one: I once shook hands with Lord Home, who shook hands with Churchill, who shook hands with Gladstone, who shook hands with the Duke of Wellington, who shook hands with George III (well, the last two are probables anyway - you do the research!).
Another excellent coincidence. I sit next to Harlow's next great MP at football and shake his hand every week.
ReplyDelete(And I agree, an amazing fellow).
Playing this game a long time ago, a chap stood up and shook all our hands. He then announced that his name was Pinker and he had shaken hands with his father - The Queen's gynacologist! We all agreed he had won.
ReplyDelete