Giggle the Guinea Pig, RIP

RIP Giggle, editor of the Sheringham Guineapendent. Just received word from my friend Tabitha Van der Does that my biggest fan in North Norfolk, her guinea pig has died. Giggle interviewed me for Tabi's Sheringham Independent magazine once. A unique experience. As a tribute to Giggle, here's the interview from 2 June 2004. Enjoy...

Giggle: You have very nice teeth Mr Dale. How do you keep them clean?
Iain: Contrary to popular rumour I do not bite my opponents. I am on a strict diet and eat lots of fruit so that keeps my teeth nice and healthy. My new campaign slogan is DOWN WITH MARS BARS!

G: How many carrots do you eat a day?
I: Not as many as you.

G: What is a Conservative and do they have any policies on guinea pigs?
I: A Conservative was once described as a man who sits and thinks - mostly sits. We believe in freedom for Guinea Pigs everywhere. We totally reject the LibDem policy of taxing every squeak a Guinea Pig makes.

G: Have you ever lived with a rabbit?
I: No, but my friend Jenny lives with one. She lets it roam around the house. I think she believes it is a dog.

G: Do you think I’m on Freddie Starr’s hit list?
I: I think he has a mild preference for your cousin the Hamster. I would be more afraid of a visit from John Prescott if I were you.

G:I have heard you bred guinea pigs? For what purpose? I:
As a good Conservative I bred them to make money. I was only 10 years old and we had about 50 at one stage. We used to sell them for 5p each. That was in the days before the rampant inflation in the late 1970s. It would be about £1 in today's money.

G: My favourite Shakespearean quote is “Over hill, over dale” What’s yours?
I: I am not very conversant with Shakespeare, I prefer Goethe. My favourite Goethe quote is Man tue was man will (Do what you want).

G: Do you agree with the philosophy of George Orwell’s ‘Four legs good, two legs bad?
I: Animal Farm is one of my favourite books, so yes, I do agree. My best friend has four legs. His name is Gio and he is my Jack Russell. I wouldn't get too near him if I were you. It might be the last thing you ever do!

G: Thank you Mr Dale.
I: You are welcome, Miss Giggle.

As you can imagine, this was one of my more memorable interviews...