OFF TO THE CHANNEL 4 POLITICAL AWARDS

This evening I'm presenting an award at the Channel 4 Political Awards. It seems I am to be about the only Conservative allowed near an award tonight as no Conservative has actually won one. Don't ask me how I know - I just do. It's my job to know these things! The programme goes out on Channel 4 at 7.30pm on Friday night. Betcha can't wait. Watch out for the rather severe haircut I have had today.

IS TONY BLAIR LOSING IT?

A few years ago I mulled over the possibility of writing a novel (as you do...). The plot would have centred around a Prime Minister who gradually loses his marbles. I wouldn't dream of suggesting for one minute that the Blessed Tony could suffer such an indignity...alright I will. He's always struck me as having it in him to go a bit starey-eyed. And now I have the proof - well anecdotal evidence. I gather he was giving an in-depth interview the other day to a hack who had better remain nameless (strangely it wasn't Andrew Gilligan) and was rattling on about how wonderful the economy was when he suddenly stopped and looked the journalist in the eye and continued: "Did you know I have toppled 4 regimes since I came to power?" and then carried on talking about the economy. Stranger and stranger said Alice.

LIKE BEING AT YOUR OWN FUNERAL

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you could attend your own funeral? Having announced yesterday that Politico's will close its doors I have been inundated by very nice emails from people saying the most lovely things. However, if one more person calls either me or the shop an 'institution' I think I will deck them.