Why I Can't Accept the Orwell Prize

I've given this a lot of thought, and have made the decision to withdraw from the Orwell Prize. As you know, last week I was shortlisted for the prestigious literary award. At the time, I was incredibly proud of the achievement and was delighted to receive congratulations from many people.

However, it soon became clear that my presence on the shortlist was not universally welcome. Several bloggers, whose boots I am not fit to lick, made their views perfectly clear and said that by choosing me to be on the shortlist the judges had devalued the award. I must reluctantly recognise that these bloggers, as usual, have right on their side. It is up to me to admit that my writing efforts are on a par with those of Jade Goody - that my spelling is atrocious and that my articles so riddled with cliches that I ought to apply for a role as Gordon Brown's speechwriter. In addition, my lame attempts at humour always fall flat, I am so far up David Cameron's arse that my feet have disappeared and my obsession with lists is ... well... number one, slightly autistic, number two, irritating and number three, the only thing people remember about me.

In fact, this blog is so bad, that 90,000 of you were stupid enough to spend your time reading it last month. It's clear that you were all just coming here for a laugh at my expense, but not one of you had the heart to tell me that, well, basically, I'm crap. I had to find it out from that giant of political commentary, Chicken Yoghurt.

So while I remain grateful to the Orwell Prize judges, I feel it is only right for me to withdraw my nomination and instead, I would like to pass it on to the only person who I feel understands the genre of political blogging, and in a very short time has enhanced its reputation like no one before. He's a giant of political commentary on our TV screens. He's willing to see both sides of an argument and is polite at all times to his political adversaries. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you will all agree that the only person deserving such an accolade is my very good friend - and yours - Mr Derek Draper.

More information HERE, HERE and HERE.