A Day on Planet Boris

I really ought to pay more attention to the advice Keith Simpson MP gives me. I saw him at the Lord Lieutenant's bash in Norwich and told him Boris Johnson was coming to North Norfolk today. He chuckled and asked if I had a backup plan and suggested that Boris might not know which station to go to to get to Norwich. Sure enough, at a quarter to nine this morning the phone rings. "Boris here, now look here old boy, it is King's Cross isn't it?" As he was supposed to be on the 9am train from Liverpool Street this was not a promising start to my day. I remained as calm as I could while inwardly cursing and suggested he got a train from Kings Cross to King's Lynn. "Ok, no probs," he said. Five minutes later the phone rings again. "No luck old bean, no train till 9.45, gets in at 11.30". At 11.30 we were due in Stody for North Norfolk Radio. More cursing. Silent, naturellement. Thinking quickly I dialled up the trains website and found a 9am train to Peterborough. "Excellent," trills Boris. Three minutes later the phone goes again. "Damn and blast," says Boris, "we missed it". Luckily there was another one 5 minutes later. Which left me with the small problem of how to get to Peterborough from Swanton Abbott in 15 minutes. I might be a fast driver but I'm not that fast. In the end Boris got a taxi from Peterborough and I picked him up on a rather nasty industrial estate in Wisbech. We arrived at North Norfolk Radio 15 minutes late. Then on to Langham Glass where Boris made a pig. Next stop Pinewoods Leisure Centre for Boris to speak at a Conservative fundraiser. We auctioned a glass pig signed (or rather etched) by Boris. Some farmers gave him an excellnt briefing on sugar beet and everyone seemed happy. Except for me. I was supposed to have him safely delivered in Great Yarmouth where he was speaking for their PPC Mark Fox by 4pm. At 3.20 we still hadn't left. Then came the journey from hell. We got stuck behind every lorry and tractor in Norfolk and eventually got there at about 4.30. So having driven about 150 miles and been driven to the verge of a nervous breakdown I made my way home to Swanton Abbott looking forward to a trip to Sainsbury's. Back to reality after a day on Planet Boris. What a superstar he is!